Dear Bill Martin, Can We Have Our Coach Back?

Dear Michigan Athletic Director Bill Martin,

Mountaineer Nation is coming to you with humility and much embarassment. To put it plainly we need Rodriquez back. See it wasn’t long ago we were in Atlanta celebrating a Sugar Bowl victory against Georgia and things couldn’t be better for West Virginia football! Now just last year we “upset” No.3 Oklahoma 42-28 in the Fiesta Bowl. Notice I use quotes around the word upset because we don’t have upsets here at WVU, we beat the shit out of everyone that gets in our way no matter who they are…its the Rodriquez way! As you can imagine, the sky was the only limit for our program with the option offense Rodriguez brought and perfected with White and Slaton. At this point we were no longer just WVU…we became West FUCKIN Virginia!!! We had a swagger about us, a don’t-take-shit from noone attitude. Do you remember seeing Owen Schmitt beat the hell out of his own forehead with his helmet? Thats West fuckin Virginia football right there!

After last year, we thought anyone could get the job done here because I mean think about it…this isn’t just any school, this is West fuckin Virginia we’re talking about here. Well I’m here to tell you that was a mistake of epic proportions. Who the hell is this Bill Stewart guy that we hired and why are we paying him $800,000 this year to lose to East Carolina and Colorado??? Even worse, we signed him for 6 more years of this shit. Excuse me for a second while I open this bottle of Jack…

ok back to my point for sending you this letter…

I would like to propose a refund/trade off. We want Rodriguez back….can we please just trade you this Bill Stewart guy and the $800,000 that goes with him in exchange? We are even willing to throw in a bonus of Daniel Boone hunting hats and memorbillia as a token of our appreciation if you accept. Look how good they look…

Approach it this way, Michigan Football has never looked worse in the past 2 years…so how bad could it be? You get a no-name coach that you can put the blame directly on when you lose to teams like Appalachian State and Utah. West fuckin Virgina isn’t used to losing to cupcakes like this, so this should be a reasonable offer. You lost Lloyd Carr, you lost Chad Henne, you lost Mike Hart…and now you lost the perfect recruit, Travelle Pryor, for Rodriquez’s option offense to Ohio State. You might as well see what you can make happen with Bill Stewart.

Please respond to this offer in due time because we desperately need our coach back in time for Big East football. Pat White and Noel Devine are begging you…Please give him back!!

Sincerely,

West FUCKIN Virginia Football

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