Texas A&M Needs Help

Theres been some damn good football going on in the state of Texas here lately, particularly at the quarterback position.  Colt McCoy just had a big win against the previously ranked #1 Oklahoma Sooners, and its just in that Graham Harrell just went over 52,000 passing yards for the season.  TCU has been a dark horse so far this season and proved their white boys were better that BYU’s white boys this past Thursday night.  So what about Texas A&M?  Surely in Texas, where football is a religion…where the whole damn town closes on saturdays to go to the game…there is enough support and talent to go around for the Aggies to have at least some success right?  Wrong.  The season opener was against Arkansas St…Arkansas fuckin State…a team Texas A&M should plow into the ground.  Instead, they open with an embarrassing loss at home which alluded to what is to come in the mighty Big 12 conference for them this year.  The Aggies and their 12th man fans have been man-handled by teams of late…most notably giving up 56 points to Oklahoma State 2 weeks ago.  I could have sworn I heard Aggies coah Mike Sherman yelling “don’t pick on my kids…pick on me.  I’m a man, I’m 40!!!” after the loss in College Station.

While the Aggies continue to hear “hook ’em horns” and “get yer guns up” from those other Texas schools that are wreaking havoc in the Big12 this year, they have to be wondering when things are going to turn around for them.  They are currently sitting at 0-2 in conference play, 2-4 overall this season.  Their only wins coming against powerhouses New Mexico and Army.  Who is going to be able to come in and do some damage to pull them out of the shithole they’re living in right now?  I have an answer…

Thats right…none other than Mr. Paul Blake!  Heres the good news:  He’s been throwing footballs through tires and hitting scarecrows in the numbers since ’88, so you can bet your left nut he’s accurate.  Somehow he’s managed to rack up a baker’s dozen of years eligible to play college football, and he still has a few left in the tank.  He doesn’t take shit from anyone on the field or off…not even from flat top.  He’s durable, and for some reason that seems to only increase with age.  He’s been know to take a sack or a right hook to the face and keep on truckin.  And despite his skin color, he is in fact a dual threat quarterback.

So here’s what you need to do Mike Sherman…you need to get off your ass, put on some wranglers, rent a Jeep and go out to God’s Country to find Paul Blake.  He will most likely resist at first sayin he’s got more import things to do…like pick up cowshit and bail hay.  But the secret to pulling him in is this…tell him you have Coach “Straight Arrow” Gennerro’s playbook. Gets him everytime.

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2 Responses to Texas A&M Needs Help

  1. Sleazy E says:

    You sir are a damn poet. Poe, Hemingway, and Dickshit or whoever the fuck he is, is bowing to your words. If the Big 12 had players and commentators like this, they would rule the fucking country by breakfast. In the immortal words of Paul Blake’s left guard Sinbad…..”WE GONNA PARRRRTAYYYY!!!!!!!!”

  2. blazingrebel says:

    They lost to Arkansas St. not Alabama St….I wish they had lost to Alabama St. then I could say UAB is better than Tx Am. It’s still hilarious that the ags lost to Ark St. at home, so much for the 12th man.

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