Succop Sucked It Up Today

October 11, 2008

Who once was Mr. Reliable turned in his worst game as a Gamecock against Kentucky this Saturday.  Succop went 1-5 in field goals on the day, the last one being a chip shot to make it a 2 posession game with under 2 minutes left.  Thats 12 unaccounted for points left off the scoreboard all due to Mr. Succop’s mind games. I have to admit, I almost expected the last miss after the day he had…and thats pathetic for the best kicker in the SEC (11-14 on the year coming into this game).  

Theres been talk that his bad day was attributed to an abdominal strain, but thats a little hard to believe when he kicked the ball to the back of the endzone everytime on kickoffs.  I hope he gets his shit together before the LSU game, because South Carolina will need all the points they can get next week.


Garcia: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

September 25, 2008

Is Garcia the savior for the Gamecocks?  It seems many people think so.  The man whose middle name is rightfully Achilles has become a premature legend with the Gamecock nation; already saving the season and those to come.  A statue will be constructed to immortalize him before you enter the battleground that is Williams-Brice Stadium.  Past heroes of Carolina football will bow down before him in amazement of what he was able to do on the same field they once competed upon.  The Tanneyhills, the Rogers, the Sharpes, the Pettys…all will feel inadequate when mentioned in the same breath as Stephen Achilles Garcia. 

This legendary satire has been wrote down for past, present, and future Gamecocks to gasp in awe of this gridiron warrior…so that he will never be forgotten.  Not now…Not ever!  Read you must…

The Legend Returns: By David Cloninger

Open Tryouts Held For Carolina Quarterback

September 24, 2008

Steve Spurrier said in a recent interview that all 11 spots are open for tryout on the offense this week…most notably the quarterback position.  After the first 4 games, Carolina has looked like a sack of shit from an offensive standpoint, and that starts with the signal caller.  There has been a lot of talk of giving redshirt freshman Stephen Garcia a chance, however there are other veteran options out there. I thought I would recommend a few available players for Spurrier to consider before he makes his final decision on who the starting quarterback against UAB should be.  Here they are:

1. Uncle Rico – Upside: Has the superhuman ability to throw a football over a mountain.  Has extreme accuracy (have you seen the way he can throw a steak?).  Has a time machine that may or may not be able to be used during actual play.  Claimed that back in ’82 he could throw a pigskin over a quarter mile.

Downside: Excessive use of polyester tight fit pants restrict his mobility

2. Al Bundy – Upside: Great hand to ball coordination, although limited to mostly his own. Focused on football and not on women (despite what you may think, he could give a shit less about Peg).  Blue collar work ethic…face it the man can sell shoes.  Gridiron legend at Polk High.

Downside: Lack of motivation. Likes to spend all his time at nudy bars (yes even during the day)

3. Peter Griffin – Upside: Not easy to take down due to being extremely overweight when compared to your normal quarterback build (this can work, see Jared Lorenzen).  Used to being in front of a TV all day long from the comfortable veiw of his couch, would transition nicely to film study and preparation.

Downside: According to his bio, Peter also has a serious disadvantage: the complete lack of common sense and good judgement. Peter didn’t know how to fart till he was 30. Since then, he farts very often. He’s fat, loves Pawtucket Beer, and is always there for some good physical comedy.

The smart money is on Uncle Rico purely based on his said ability to throw a pigskin over a quarter mile…if you’re not a believer, just watch this video

“Thats what I’m talkin about!”

Smelley Smells Like Shit Against Wofford

September 22, 2008

Again, let me remind you I am a Carolina Alum, and was at Williams Brice for this game as well unfortunately. Here is my rant…

One thing I’ve determined in the 4 Carolina games I’ve watched (or should I say endured) this season is that we do not have a quarterback consistent enough for SEC competition…hell we don’t have one consistent enough for SOCON competition by the way things looked Saturday night. Once again, I chose to attend this game in hopes of seeing some bright spots on offense. You can imagine my “here we go again” statement being almost on queue with our first play from scrimmage being an easy pick for Wofford’s secondary. Smelley might as well have gift wrapped it and had it delivered right to the spot where the 6 gold helmets were waiting. It seemed almost planned, and to be honest, almost expected from those in attendance. Maybe there has been just enough turnovers at this point in the season where it just comes with the territory for Carolina fans.

Heres a rundown on what went through my head as the first play of this game unfolded…

Alright here we go, starting out the first play of the game with a pass, lets get it down field and start a good drive. Hopefully we can put some points up early…

What the fuck. Does he see the same amount of white jerseys and gold helmets as I do??? 6…count em…6! Thats pathetic, absolutely pathetic. I sit down, and do not stand back up for the entire game after this…except to take a piss at halftime. An offense that operates at the same pace as my grandpa walking to the mailbox…terrific.

Yes, you are correct. That is 6 people around Moe Brown not wearing garnet. **Thought it was necessary to add this pic in to really show how pissed off I was when watching the replay of this game, and my inability to understand how he thought it was a good idea to throw the football anywhere near this area**

The quarterback performance against a mediocre, inferior opponent this past weekend was embarrassing to watch. Almost like watching the first weeks of American Idol…its bad, you’re embarrassed for him and its difficult to watch…but then again, you can’t stop.

Here are Smelley’s stats for the game…

South Carolina Comp Att Yds Pct Y/A Sack YdsL TD Int
C. Smelley 23 33 204 69.7 6.2 2 15 1 2

Again, mediocre stats from a quarterback that struggled with executing against a division 1-AA defense. With SEC play resuming in 2 weeks, there needs to be a sense of urgency from Spurrier regarding the quarterback position. How many games is it going to take until Garcia gets his chance?  Regardless of his past, the point is this…we have seen all that Smelley can give us, we have seen his ceiling so to speak. We do not know exactly how Garcia will respond to the pressure, but everyone keeps talking about how he brings charisma and swagger to the offense (which I don’t see how his high school football play is relevant to SEC play, but he is said to have the intangibles to provide an offensive spark). Smelley is struggling, and I don’t have the patience to watch him fall apart again. Even though Spurrier says Garcia doesn’t know the entire offense yet, hell who wants the entire offense when what he have seen looks like a bag of ass? Let the kid play, maybe he’ll know to throw the ball into an area where the chances of his receiver catching the ball are better than 1/7.

Mike Davis Pisses Me the F&@K Off!!!!

September 15, 2008

**This post will be very biased because I am a Carolina alumni and was at this game**

This is a pic taken from 2nd and goal at the 2 as Mike Davis gets the carry for the go-ahead score…so I thought

What kind of rocket scientiest does it take to see that the entire left side of the field is WIIIIIIIIIIDE OPEN???? I mean seriously, does he not have enough vision by his senior year to know to bounce it outside on this play?? 1st and Goal from the 2…and Carolina can’t convert. We have a starting running back that thinks he’s superman and decides to jump for the goal line over several Georgia defenders, stretch the ball out instead of protecting it, all from 4 yards away from paydirt. Does he score you ask? Helllll no…not even close. The ball is exposed, Georgia forces a fumble and recovers for a touchback, taking the life out of Carolina and it’s fans in the process. Georgia comes into this game undefeated and ranked 2nd nationally. Carolina comes into the game unranked with a record of 1-1 after a disappointing loss to Vanderbilt last week. Noone was giving Carolina a snowball’s chance in hell to win this game except some of the sunshine pumping Carolina fans, who always think the grass is greener than it really is. To lose this way in the 4th quarter of a game that was well within their grasp is unacceptable. To cap off a very impressive drive by the offense who finally started clicking in the second half of this game with a bonehead bullshit move on Davis’ part is something I’m having a hard time dealing with. Carolina was 2 yards away from tying Georgia late in the game on a first and goal and completely blew it.

Hey Mike, judging by this pic maybe you should spend the week doing calf raises to add that extra 10 feet you needed in the air to make it in the end zone on Saturday….we might need it against Wofford next week.