The Soldier Is Out With Oversized Balls

October 14, 2008

Kellen Winslow has been sidelined here recently with an “undisclosed injury.”  Makes you wonder why they wouldn’t just come out and say what the hell it was…pisses me off because I have him on one of my fantasy teams and his ass needs to be out there if its nothing serious…I mean after all, he is a soldier isn’t he??  According to, this little undisclosed injury is nothing little at all.  Apparently Winslow is suffering from a case of elephantitis of the testes.  I’m a little curious how this happens….so I thought of a few options that may have led to this problem:

1.  He was teabagging some 2 dollar hooker, she suddenly woke up and saw a familiar sight of balls in her face…decided to fornicate.  Disaster sets in for Winslow.

2.  On a recent trip back to the U, he tried out one of those senoritas that just got off the boat carrying who knows what with them.

3.  Decided to go brokeback with an undisclosed partner and was the pitcher, not the catcher.  No doubt the partner was a man in uniform and Winslow kept yelling “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I’m a fuckin soldier!!!”

4.  Rubbed pimento cheese and peanut butter all over em for the hell of it after having one too many smirnoffs.

My vote goes to #3


Dan Orlovsky’s NFL Debut

October 14, 2008

You’re probably wondering who this man is.  Dan Orlovsky, the new starting Detriot Lion’s QB, is the dumbass that got an unforced safety this past Sunday against the Vikings.  Look at him…running through the back of the endzone without a care in the world…still looking for that open Lions receiver to get the ball to even after the whistle is blown several times.  I’d like to know what was going through the referee’s mind when this happened.  If I had to guesstimate I’d say it was something along the lines of “are you fuckin serious kid?”  which conincidentally is what came out of my mouth when I saw this replay…and rewound…and rewound…and rewound. 

Congratulations Orlovsky, you get this week’s Trojan Endz Boner of the Week Award!

Some People Just Don’t Learn

October 9, 2008

Once again Pac-man is in trouble.  Right when you get the slightest feeling he might have turned the corner, he punches the one person that is there to protect him.   He was playing well for the Cowboys. He had cut his locks and did away with “Pac-man” but evidently that didn’t make his ass any smarter.  If the Cowboys just didn’t lose there Pro Bowl DB Terrence Newman, I would vote to give his ass the slip and not even pay for the bus ticket back to the house.

From the Dallas News

“Deputy Chief Vince Golbeck, commander of the central patrol division, said officers were called to the Joule about 1:30 a.m. and were told there was a disturbance between Adam Jones and one of his security officers. Golbeck said officers believed Adam Jones was drinking and that he may have stayed at the hotel.”

Luckily for Adam he did not press charges and as far as I can tell the team has not commented on the situation, so there is no telling how the team will choose to handle this.

Kissing the Star!

October 6, 2008

Last week before the Dallas – Cincinnati game, a man by the name of Chad Ocho Cinco said when he scores a TD he will kiss the star.  Well we all thought that was crazy because Chad, scoring a TD? Lets be for real.  He has been demoted to a below avg contributor at best, just like our own Mr. Burns ( so called writer ).  He is now the 2nd or 3rd option on that team.  Tj is getting it rolling and looks like some other young receivers are starting to step up. 

Well Chad has proved us wrong, although he didn’t score a TD he did get to kiss the Star.

San Diego Is No Longer a Big Deal

October 6, 2008

The Chargers have been seriously struggling this season.  After a last-second loss to Carolina in week 1, a monumental referree fuck up in week 2 against Denver, and now an embarassing loss to Miami, the sun isn’t shining too bright in San Diego.  Did losing Shawne Merriman and Lorenzo Neal really make that big of a difference with this team?  LT has been shut down, Gates isn’t himself, and the defense is mediocre at best.  This team fired former coach Marty Shottenheimer a few years back while calling a 14-2 season a disappointment.  Norv Turner comes in and brings his history of sucking ass with him.  He turns the best rushing attack in the NFL into a forgotten afterthought to defensive coordinators.  He relies solely on Phillip Rivers to move the offense and score points when he looks like he just left Derek Zoolander’s Center For Kid’s Who Can’t Read Good…

You know the fans have to be getting very impatient with the Chargers’ performance thus far.  It wouldn’t surprise me one bit to see people take it to the streets and fight to the death with oppsing fans, or just Ed Hochuli if he’s ever spotted in city limits.  During this time of chaos and disorder where the bullshit seems to be knee deep, remember this Chargers fans…in the words of the great Ron Burgundy “Stay classy San Diego,” even when your city is named after a whales vagina.

Make Way For The Bad Guy

October 3, 2008

I guess when a man has 9 kids to 9 different women, he’ll do just about anything to pay child support.  The ex-Denver running back, Travis Henry, got caught with his hand in the cookie jar once again while being involved in a $40,000 drug deal gone bad earlier this week.  If convicted, he and his sidekick face up to life in prison and a $4 million dollar fine. 

There are definitley 2 things we know for sure about Henry: 1. He has no idea what the term “pull out” means, and 2. He can’t keep his nose out of the happy powder.

Hell, he might be looking forward to jail after all that bitchin he’s probably hearing from 9 different angry women wondering where they money at.

Grow Up Chad Johnson!

October 2, 2008

We all remember this day, well at least I do.  The day when the Big Ego TO scored in Texas stadium and ran back to the Star and stood in the middle.  That didn’t sit to well with the Cowboys as one of the players ran and tackled him at mid field.

Now a few years later another Big Ego player promises to do the same thing.  He goes by the name of Ocho Cinco, Chad Ocho Cinco.  He was quoted this morning, ” when I score I will Kiss the star.”  I’m sure that will be used as fuel for the fire to the Cowboy Defense.  Not that they need to be to fired up as Chad Johnson has only scored 1 TD all year and his starting QB may not be playing in this game.  Chad has put up pitiful numbers this year with 11 catches and 116 yards.  I know I have him on my Fantasy team.

Chad did also say that he has got to step up to help this team win but I think he picked the wrong week to piss off the Cowboys.  They are in my opinion the best team in the NFL and they will be coming off a loss against a division rival.

Mr. Ocho Cinco, please think before you speak next time.  You are a below avg receiver this year compared to the league standards andyour starting QB is hurt.  You are attempting to follow in the foot steps of a receiver that wines and complains as much as you but yet he can back it up each and every week.  TO’s best game this year is better than your whole season.  So when and IF you score act like you have done it before and show some respect.  You have nothing to celebrate about.