The Soldier Is Out With Oversized Balls

October 14, 2008

Kellen Winslow has been sidelined here recently with an “undisclosed injury.”  Makes you wonder why they wouldn’t just come out and say what the hell it was…pisses me off because I have him on one of my fantasy teams and his ass needs to be out there if its nothing serious…I mean after all, he is a soldier isn’t he??  According to, this little undisclosed injury is nothing little at all.  Apparently Winslow is suffering from a case of elephantitis of the testes.  I’m a little curious how this happens….so I thought of a few options that may have led to this problem:

1.  He was teabagging some 2 dollar hooker, she suddenly woke up and saw a familiar sight of balls in her face…decided to fornicate.  Disaster sets in for Winslow.

2.  On a recent trip back to the U, he tried out one of those senoritas that just got off the boat carrying who knows what with them.

3.  Decided to go brokeback with an undisclosed partner and was the pitcher, not the catcher.  No doubt the partner was a man in uniform and Winslow kept yelling “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I’m a fuckin soldier!!!”

4.  Rubbed pimento cheese and peanut butter all over em for the hell of it after having one too many smirnoffs.

My vote goes to #3


Wanna Wear A Struggle?

October 14, 2008

Shame-U is a site that has all kinds of awesome shirts to wear on gameday that does the talkin without the talkin.  I saw this site after visiting their blog, Michigan Girls are Fat, and was cracking up over some of their shirts. Pretty good stuff, check it out if you wanna talk a little smack on Saturdays.

Here’s some of their shirts…

Dan Orlovsky’s NFL Debut

October 14, 2008

You’re probably wondering who this man is.  Dan Orlovsky, the new starting Detriot Lion’s QB, is the dumbass that got an unforced safety this past Sunday against the Vikings.  Look at him…running through the back of the endzone without a care in the world…still looking for that open Lions receiver to get the ball to even after the whistle is blown several times.  I’d like to know what was going through the referee’s mind when this happened.  If I had to guesstimate I’d say it was something along the lines of “are you fuckin serious kid?”  which conincidentally is what came out of my mouth when I saw this replay…and rewound…and rewound…and rewound. 

Congratulations Orlovsky, you get this week’s Trojan Endz Boner of the Week Award!

Im Struggling

October 13, 2008

to accept the fact that Brandon Tate is done for the season.  This is the first time since 2001 that the Heels have been ranked, much less a chance to win the ACC.  I have loved this season, watching my team grow and become a team that people can’t just look over or around anymore.  With a young defense that loves to fly to the ball and smack people in the mouth, and an offense that can strike at anytime.  I didn’t think we would still be in this situation after TJ Yates went down for 6 weeks.  I sure hope Brooks Foster ( we went to the same high school ) and the other receivers can step up and fill that spot like Cam did.

Brandon, I hate this more for you than anything else since this was your senior year.  But Im sure you will be on the sidelines each and every week coaching and pumping up your team.  Good Luck Tarheels.

Go Big Blue!!

October 13, 2008

With a streak of 33 straight Bowl appearances on the line and Motor City Bowl officials on hand, Michigan goes out and looks like shit against Toledo.  Yes Michigan lost Jake Long, Chad Henne, and Mike Hart but with a new coach this is not what Michigan had in mind.  This is not the debut Rich Rodriguez had pictured in his head when he signed a 5 million dollar per year contract.  Yes they were playing Toledo, but it was a must win for Michigan and in front of the home crowd they choke 13-10.

Michigan does not have it easy if they want to keep their bowl streak alive.  With games against Penn State, Michigan St and Ohio St, I would say they are done for the year.  The other games are against Northwestern, Purdue, Minnesota, which compared to Toledo are much better football teams.  So the future is not looking too bright.  Rich better hope he has a great recruiting class coming in.  I also bet he cries at night wishing Travelle Pryor had signed with Michigan.

But no matter what happens Michigan fans will always be Michigan fans.

Succop Sucked It Up Today

October 11, 2008

Who once was Mr. Reliable turned in his worst game as a Gamecock against Kentucky this Saturday.  Succop went 1-5 in field goals on the day, the last one being a chip shot to make it a 2 posession game with under 2 minutes left.  Thats 12 unaccounted for points left off the scoreboard all due to Mr. Succop’s mind games. I have to admit, I almost expected the last miss after the day he had…and thats pathetic for the best kicker in the SEC (11-14 on the year coming into this game).  

Theres been talk that his bad day was attributed to an abdominal strain, but thats a little hard to believe when he kicked the ball to the back of the endzone everytime on kickoffs.  I hope he gets his shit together before the LSU game, because South Carolina will need all the points they can get next week.

Some People Just Don’t Learn

October 9, 2008

Once again Pac-man is in trouble.  Right when you get the slightest feeling he might have turned the corner, he punches the one person that is there to protect him.   He was playing well for the Cowboys. He had cut his locks and did away with “Pac-man” but evidently that didn’t make his ass any smarter.  If the Cowboys just didn’t lose there Pro Bowl DB Terrence Newman, I would vote to give his ass the slip and not even pay for the bus ticket back to the house.

From the Dallas News

“Deputy Chief Vince Golbeck, commander of the central patrol division, said officers were called to the Joule about 1:30 a.m. and were told there was a disturbance between Adam Jones and one of his security officers. Golbeck said officers believed Adam Jones was drinking and that he may have stayed at the hotel.”

Luckily for Adam he did not press charges and as far as I can tell the team has not commented on the situation, so there is no telling how the team will choose to handle this.